A peek at random pages from a semi-charmed life; filled with love, laughter, friendships, loss and the hilarity in exploring it all...quirky and autobiographical...
Lately, I've been in conversations with many people who seem to be having drama, trouble with their relationships because of the ex-tra baggage. Whenever a topic, such as 'the ex-factor' arises in any setting, undoubtedly it'll be intense, debatable and interesting. Everyone it seems has an explanation or excuses, as to why they keep the connection open with an ex(es). Yes, many people are divided on this affair. On one side, there are those who believe they can have a monogamous relationship while still remaining 'friends' with their former lovers. On the other side, are the people who believe this will eventually cause future problems in a current (serious) relationship.
So is there really room for the Ex?
In researching, a friend and I were talking about the Exes and the friendship(s) that was maintained long after the relationship had ended. I listened attentively to all the excuses given for humans' need to remain friends with the person(s) who broke their heart. In close examination, I am guilty of this 'crime' too. My inability to let go of, severed completely with that one person who got down into my soul and changed everything for me…is quite perplexing to say the least. When you love someone, they're inescapable. People come and go in our lives and somehow we are never the same. I have seen this so much. But why do we always bring the Ex-factor into the whY (current) relationship and invite trouble?I guess, to understand such complexity of that human condition, I've had to relive all those moments of that particular relationship (too much for here).Although, things didn’t work out, ours ended surreal. We have chemistry, I really do feel that. Its intangible; something that you understand about the person, and they understand about you. It's mutual. You just can't explain it. I guess when you get close to someone, you either have chemistry or you don't. You can't fake it. And perhaps, to understand the reason why some of us make room or stay friends with the Ex, knowing there will be consequences, is probably the impact that person has made in the other's life. I don’t know for sure. But you have to understand how much more you can learn in those moments of receptivity then you could ever dream or plan. The 'X'factor―is that indefinable something, that indescribable quality that makes someone stands out. I suspect, the 'Ex' factor supports this. It explains everything…why else would you still want to be friends?
What are your thoughts on this?
Is there room for 'friendship' with the Ex?
When one resumes dating, does severing completely (with the ex) seem the only viable option to make a new relationship work? Discuss…
I feel somewhat obligated to write something about Divali (Diwali), since I reside in a multi-cultural and multi-religious country. Divali or "The Festival of Lights" is a major observance, second only to Christmas in this tropical twin island and is quite unique. Indeed, it is celebrated on a grand scale just like Christmas (not as commercial) and has become part of traditions in our society. Divali is a time when Hindus in Trinidad and Tobago and around the world worship the female aspect of God in the form of Mother Lakshmi-the Goddess of wealth and prosperity. It is celebrated in the Hindu month of Kartik (October-November) on the darkest night of the year (remember the Celts post). The word Divali means "a row of lights" and the origin can be found in the various legends and mythologies of Hindu scriptures.
However, the true beauty of Divali transcends the lighting of deyas and the underlying message/theme(s) of the triumph of good over evil, light overcoming darkness and enlightenment over ignorance. During this time, despite all our differences and circumstances we come together as a nation (ought to) to celebrate, and what is most visible is religious tolerance at its peak. Yes, the same religious tolerance you probably heard U.S. President Barack Obama often talked about in his campaigning speeches. We have it right here in sweet TnT.
As a young girl and even today, I feel privileged to have experienced this cross-religious harmony that is so elusive in other parts of the world. A quick visit (for research) to the Singh’s Divali celebrations on Ethel Street in St. James last Wednesday evening provides the evidence of this peaceful union. In this street setting, I saw where every creed and race found equal table space to enjoy the delicacies that are synonymous with Divali. Besides, where will one see the innocence of non-Hindu children dressed in beautiful Saris and lighting the deyas? Ahh, such wonderment! Momentarily, everything else is suspended to light the path(s) of the journey ahead. All of which was punctuated of course, with solemn Indian music and tassa drumming.
And even though this year’s celebration was thrifty compare to previous years, due to the State of Emergency, one thing is certain...The charity, love, kindheartedness and happiness that encompass Divali cannot be truly explained. No, this magic must be felt with the heart; just like the merriment of Christmas.
What were your Divali experiences growing up in TnT? Do you think this religious tolerance that is demonstrated during Divali here can be achieved in other parts of the world? Do you see just how blessed our country truly is? Share your thoughts...
The idea for my 2nd Post was prompted by some comments from you readers and it is quite fitting to research this topic at present, because results from a primary research conducted revealed a misconception of some fascinating history that has gone before us and which will coincide with next week’s celebrations around the world. Over the last two decades Trinbagonians have been celebrating Halloween by attending numerous costume parties during the last week in October. But just what are we (Trinidad and Tobago) actually celebrating? How did this unusual custom originate, and why are we even celebrating it? Is it, as some assert, a day for evil worship, or is it just a harmless vestige of some ancient pagan ritual? It is known that this tropical twin isle of ours is affectionately called “Little New York.” A quick chitchat with the ‘man in the street’ for clarification will certainly leave you in stitches! But seriously, I am still in shock at just how ignorant some adults really are. Blogger:What do you know about Trinidad and Tobago being called Little New York? Man in the Street: Well, whatever New York have we bound to get it…in real time too. If them have flood we sure to flood out. If a plane crash, somehow our carrier will too. I mean, if New York sneezes we sure to catch the cold/flu. Blogger: Have you ever attended a Halloween party here? Man in the Street: Like I said, everything New York have we bound to get. I sure them people ain’t even understand what Halloween is about, but they dressing up like idiots. They even wearing snow boots in this hot country. Trinidadians like to follow fashion. I mean we have become so Americanise, that our true culture is almost non-existent. Blogger: So what Halloween party you going to this year? 1st Woman in the Street: Halloween is all about evil, scary costumes and devil worshipping! Blogger: Do you know the history of how Halloween came to be? 1st Woman in the Street: It’s about satan! 2nd Woman in the Street: Halloween is all about evil and is the darkest day in the year! Blogger: Thank you all for your time. So where am I going with this? Keep reading and have an open-mind. The true meaning behind Halloween is so blurred, yet some still mask-up and ignorantly partake. But to really appreciate Halloween you have to first understand that while customs and traditions may vary they are all one and the same. We may not always agree with other people’s beliefs, but be mature enough to understand. After all “learning is a change in behaviour.” The backstory of this now commercialise celebration deals with the Supernatural beings of the outerworld and the wandering of their souls, and even though Christian missionaries tried to obliterate it during the early centuries of the first millennium A.D. by hopelessly trying to convert the Celtic people and change their religious practices (yes, Christians believed that it was devil worshipping), they inadvertently succeeded in effecting major transformations in later centuries…which the world now disguises as Halloween following All Saints and All Souls Day respectively on November 1 and 2. Samhain…Sacred Celtic New Year
Halloween had its beginnings in an ancient, pre-Christian Celtic festival of the dead some 2,000 years ago. The annual celebration at the time was called Samhain (pronounced Sah-ween) and literally means “Summer’s end.” It was the biggest and most significant holiday of the Celtic year. According to their calendar, the year began on a day corresponding to November 1st on our present calendar, which marked the beginning of winter. The belief at the time of Samhain, was that the ghosts of the dead were able to mingle with the living, because at Samhain the souls of those who had died during the year travelled into the otherworld. One tale says that on November 1st, the disembodied spirits of all those who had died throughout the preceding year would come back in search of living bodies to possess for the next year.
Hence, the Celtic people usually gathered to sacrifice animals, fruits, and vegetables. They also lit bonfires in honor of the dead, to aid them on their journey, and to keep them away from the living. On that day all manner of beings were abroad: ghosts, fairies, and demons--all part of the dark and dread.
So on their New Year’s Eve night (October 31st), the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred; for the Celts believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth on this night. Here the living and the supernatural beings meet up once more…and in so doing, they are reaffirming death and its place as a part of life in an exhilarating celebration of a holy and magical evening.
“In A.D. 1000, the church would make November 2 All Souls' Day, a day to honor the dead. It was celebrated similarly to Samhain, with big bonfires, parades, and dressing up in costumes as saints, angels, and devils. Together, the three celebrations, the eve of All Saints', All Saints', and All Souls', were called Hallowmas…” now called Halloween. (Library of Congress, 1982)
Halloween…in Trinidad & Tobago
Halloween in this corner of the world is far from the sacred ritual it once represented. It is an extra-ordinary celebration filled with beautiful masks and an array of costumes to satisfy one’s fantasy of what sustains this material world we all reside in. Children in upscale neighbourhoods ‘trick or treating’ is limited to their compounds and adults use the opportunity (in disguise) as a ‘free pass’…to do something dangerous that will probably have consequences, i.e. a one night stand or drinking themselves into oblivion. The whole concept for us (the fete promoters), I have observed is a ‘free drinks’ party filled with prizes for best/scariest costumes and just having fun…
Perhaps I am guilty of that. It seems a lifetime ago when I too used to get all mask-up for this festive night. But even then I always thought how empty it felt, but is was where I needed to be at the time. Something about dressing up and pretending didn’t quite interest me for too long, yet I indulged? Ahh! Experience is really the best teacher. If only, I can go back and talk to my younger self (with what I now know…for sure), I would definitely tell her to take off that ridiculous costume…you look silly. You don’t need to subject yourself to such extremes to be cool and feel fit in. Ha Ha Ha. But that’s for another Post.
So what are your Halloween plans for this year? Will you be attending one of the curfew parties?
Do you think the history of Halloween resonates with us or is it just another fete?
I've been wondering for some time now if it is good for one's sanity mental health to write in a public space, since it opens you up for criticism, scrutiny or a convenient channel for accounting for the actions of those in public offices or even pursuing matters one has little or no control over.
Since, these are random pages from my notebook and I am, by nature a private person I shall slowly bare expose my soul. At times, the content in these pages may be brief and sobering, and other times emotional yet humorous and it is all meant to entertain. To remind us that we are not alone in this world. To put a smile on someone. For I do laugh at myself. We have to somehow be able to do that right?
So feel free to comment. We are all interconnected and in today's world without connectivity we certainly feel lost…abandoned and even angry that technology can (and will oft-times) fail us.
It is noted that procrastination is the thief of time. But all the stolen time since August (when I joined Blogger) could not have better prepared me for a more fittingly first post. It comes with the recent passing of Steve Jobs, CEO and co-founder of Apple Computer. As the world continues to mourn publicly for Jobs, I am silently grieving for my bestie, Sherry-Ann La Rose. Ten years ago this month, she left this world without rhyme or reason. Quite dreadfully too. I still can't seem to comprehend what really transpired on that fateful day when she was discovered murdered in the Grand Barbados Resort. Just two months shy of her 30th birthday.
I try not to imagine the graphic details of her being found by some unknown person. Try not to imagine what was really happening in that moment when she crossed over. You see, I was the closest person to Sherry-Ann. Her mother reminded me of it too, when she asked me to do the eulogy at her funeral. Strange. How strange it was for me to be standing at a podium with her embalmed body just beside me and, rambling about inconsequential things that now seem rather important.
I can't exactly remember when we became best friends. Even though, we grew up together, she was first best friends with two of my cousins. She was three years older than me when we were kids and teenagers and in those years, I suspect the gap was perhaps too wide for "holding secrets" and talking about boys. I don't know, but I remembered we were inseparable for a number of years during our naïve and reckless early 20s.
I smile now at the memory of our similarities; like the wine color lipstick that was our statement make-up and our preferred hair color of golden brown. Yet, somehow we had different preferences in boyfriends. Sherry dated Asian guys and I had a liking for tall mixed geeks. What opposites. It was the one thing we never had to worry about. The greatest privilege in our friendship I think was that we understood each other. She got me and I her. We worked, rented and got into mischief together. The bond was tight.
But then unexpectedly, I was knocked up. I had given up the dance floor for a rocking chair and singing lullabies. Talk about a 180. I think Sherry was mad at me at the time, for she didn't like my boyfriend. But I reckoned she recognised that my life was changing. Although we weren't in constant contact during my pregnancy, we stayed connected through telephone and by the occasional visits. But truth be told, I was in hiatus. I had retreated.
The last time Sherry and my family really got together was at my Cousin Maureen's wedding reception in July 2001. My daughter was five months old and Sherry and I were back to our old selves…tricksters indeed, making mischief at the wedding tables; eating out the guests' cake slices and laughing silly. Perhaps that's the beauty of true friendships; when you can grow apart for a while but whenever you do reconnect, it's like no time has passed at all. If I had to choose one memory of Sherry from my album, it will be the one from Maureen's wedding reception.
I didn't see Sherry for two months after that day, but we talked extensively about the wedding. Then one humid evening in early October she visited me. It was brief and I can't recall what we talked about, but she seemed happy, yet somewhat distracted as if her thoughts were elsewhere. For the first time I didn't read her. It was odd. The balance was off, but I ignored it. Then two weeks later I heard of her passing.
I am haunted by that last visit. I realised that it was your final goodbye. The brutality of your death still stuns me today and it comes to me at odd times throughout the day. I still have a sense of shock that it transpired at all. But they say that when you die young you will remain forever beautiful. I believe that. I have to. Someday we’ll be dancing in the heavens, but in the meantime I’ll take comfort in Steve Jobs words to the Stanford graduates of 2005: "Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart." (Stanford, 2005)
Rest in Peace Bestie. You are my sister. That much is true. A family beyond DNA. Losing you has allowed me to appreciate my other friendships and relationships even more.
This one's for you doll...
So how do you feel about death? Do you sometimes ignore that voice... Our intuition? Have you lost someone too?
Do you believe that the month of October is truly haunting...?
