Yes, many people are divided on this affair. On one side, there are those who believe they can have a monogamous relationship while still remaining 'friends' with their former lovers. On the other side, are the people who believe this will eventually cause future problems in a current (serious) relationship.
So is there really room for the Ex?
In researching, a friend and I were talking about the Exes and the friendship(s) that was maintained long after the relationship had ended. I listened attentively to all the excuses given for humans' need to remain friends with the person(s) who broke their heart. In close examination, I am guilty of this 'crime' too. My inability to let go of, severed completely with that one person who got down into my soul and changed everything for me…is quite perplexing to say the least. When you love someone, they're inescapable. People come and go in our lives and somehow we are never the same. I have seen this so much. But why do we always bring the
Ex-factor into thewhY (current) relationship and invite trouble? I guess, to understand such complexity of that human condition, I've had to relive all those moments of that particular relationship (too much for here). Although, things didn’t work out, ours ended surreal. We have chemistry, I really do feel that. Its intangible; something that you understand about the person, and they understand about you. It's mutual. You just can't explain it. I guess when you get close to someone, you either have chemistry or you don't. You can't fake it. And perhaps, to understand the reason why some of us make room or stay friends with the Ex, knowing there will be consequences, is probably the impact that person has made in the other's life. I don’t know for sure. But you have to understand how much more you can learn in those moments of receptivity then you could ever dream or plan. The 'X' factor―is that indefinable something, that indescribable quality that makes someone stands out. I suspect, the 'Ex' factor supports this. It explains everything…why else would you still want to be friends?
Ex-factor into the
What are your thoughts on this?
Is there room for 'friendship' with the Ex?
When one resumes dating, does severing completely (with the ex) seem the only viable option to make a new relationship work?
Discuss…
Discuss…
16 comments:
I think I am the exception to this rule, cause as far as all my ex's go, including the ex-wife, I have dropped the earth and no longer exist.
Wens I love this post. I'm gonna be honest with you and say that I'm friends with most my ex-bfs but I have no attraction towards them after the "break-up". Yeah I know that sounds cold. I think though that if my bf @ the point in time does not appreciate me being friends with my ex I can respect that. In my case I've only had this problem once so it wasn't so bad...
Straight to the point Wens..I have no problems being friends with me ex bfs however it is possible that the attraction given your mood or situation @ the point in time can re-surface. Therefore I can understand if a partner in a relationship is upset out the other partner being "friends" with an ex. I also think that some of us are mature enough to maintain a friendship with no strings ...Love this post..jus saying
One scenario - we started of as friends, shared intimacy and went back to being friends... we were mature enough to understand the transition. 20years later we're still great friends. I don't have this with all of my Exes... i gues it depends on the individuals and levels of maturity.
hi wen this is a very intresting topic, however, I have maintain friendship with some of my exs, just because we are no longer lovers that dont say that u cant maintain a relationship with that person, reason, is that u would have share some part of yourself with that person and you cant pretend that they dont exist, life does not opperats like that. You can not see them in differculties and not lend a helping hand. only animals function like that, not human beaing.
Thank you guys for sharing your thoughts on this interesting yet complex topic. The years have taught me that perhaps it can work in very rare instances. Sometimes, I think it's really thorny to remain friends with an ex, especially because their new love interest will see you as a threat as they think that something may happen once again. Trust is always an issue, no matter whom and what…pessimism is a human trait. It also depends on the circumstances behind the break up. I have experienced this when the ex (in post) was current and the other ex was trying to be friends with me. Way too much drama! It might work for a bit but then it’ll crash and burn. Simply, though it’s best to be cordial...you see each other in a group or social setting sure be social...but other then that… severed completely!! It takes special people to truly remain friends with an ex.
Sometimes I think relationships end prematurely and you never get to experience the true 'could of beens'. My exes and I have remained very close. You should realize where there is no chemistry and when it's not worth it. Yes, you were in love once upon a time but after that the type of love is not physical. There's respect and mutual understanding but not intimacy. However, if the occasion arises and you can be of benefit to each other, I say go AHEAD! No strings attached.
Hmmmmm, interesting post Wendy! I'm actually still friends with all my 'x-factors'...lol...and to say the least, it's not a crime. Is there any cause or reason for someone 'not to love'? Is it by choice that we fall in and out of this thing called love? And then there are the insecure 'n-factors'...(the NEW lover)... who believe it is wrong to speak to, look at, think of or pass nearby the 'x'...Who cares? Grow up! Such is life. Is there a rule of thumb when dealing with the x's? Maybe! Depending on the circumstances through which they became x'd. Other than that, live and let live! The x's are folks too!
hmmm, this is a very interesting topic i feel that i must leave a comment, I have tried to maintain relationships with my exs, only cause i dont even "dam" the bridges that i cross, but for them it was very difficult to maintain a relationship with me. Exs sometimes tend to be very bitter and until they can come to terms with how/why the relationship ended there can never truely be a relationship.
I love your post girl...hmmm got me thinking...I guess it depends on if the indivual wants to have a relationship. Because am such a loving person at times "yeah i can be loving" i think too that they take that for granted.
I understand the ex-factor. I am friends with my exes at the least if they were on fire in the street I would spit to put them out. I think you just have to set boundaries and stick to them The past is the past for a reason.
Yyy
Lol!!!! Well yes this is a good one Wen's.... Where should I start..... Hmmmm.... I look at my life like a book.... Relationship ends..... new chapter..... If the character is a good one and shared a moment in time with me that is meaningful then yes they will reappear in other chapters of my life......
However, there are those u just can't shake or write off.... babydadies...... How the hell u rid of them? They will always be there.... In ur face and judging any potential stepdaddies ..... Sigh!!!!!...
I say those that shared a bit of your soul.... Keep close because they know u best.....they maynot be your love/ soulmate but ur soul twin.....
EF
Hey Carla I think you summed it up nicely with the "no strings attached" but sometimes those 'strings' get detached! Hahaha. And EF yes the baby-daddy is a bit tricky, but just let him be a daddy to your kid. That's it! And of course being civil around the kid is most important too. Liltoya I was lol-ing with that one. Great guys!
I still have feelings for all my exes, but I will never tell the one I'm with that. Who would? However, at the same time none of them have a chance of coming back into my life. I don't like the idea of having them as friends either. Having them as friends leaves you with little room to move forward and develop your new relationship.
No one knows what the future holds for them. I have known people who broke up with their boyfriends and are married with children to that said individual today. I see no problem in being friends with your ex..
No one knows what the future holds for them. I have known people who broke up with their boyfriends and are married with children to that said individual today. I see no problem in being friends with your ex..
What people need to realize is that life is short and we are only passing through for a period of time, no one knows the hour nor the second so why carry anger in your heart. God said to forgive and forget seven times seventy times, love one another as I have loved you. People come into our lives for a reason and sometimes a season. Maybe it's just a test for all of us to see if we truly believe in what we preach.
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