Being grateful....Week!

In an effort to stay current regarding the observation of Thanksgiving (commemorates the last major harvest of the season) happening in the U.S. (Thursday 24th November), and other countries, I find it rather appropriate to dedicate this post to things that we are grateful for…this past year, month or week; since, the history of Thanksgiving goes beyond the traditional turkey, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie…etc. Gratitude is something I think most of us tend to overlook. Sometimes, we always want more than we already have, and so we always strived to be the best in everything that we do...in order to get more. People always worry about what they don't have instead of appreciating what they do have. But why? Maybe, possessions are a lot easier to count than virtues. Somehow though when we are truly grateful and know where gratitude lies, it allows us to become our authentic selves. Think about it…
Because at the core of thanksgiving or being grateful lies an opportunity where we can actually pause, reflect and recognize just how truly blessed we are…even with the small things. Why do we wait until, "you don't know what you have until it's gone" to be appreciative? There is so much good in one's life, no matter who you are. And finding good things are possible, if you're willing to look hard enough and name the obvious. For instance, the more 'obvious' something is (sight-the fact that you can read this), the more you take it for granted. Those are the things that you should feel the most grateful for.. Simple things can trigger a feeling of gratitude too. When you're sick, don't you value being healthy more than when you are sick? Of course, because you realize how wonderful it is to just feel normal. A lot of people don't understand how good they really have it, even if they are living pay check to pay check. Seriously, people I think it's a whole lot better than not having a job and/or being homeless!
So these are the things I am most especially grateful for this past year:
―I am grateful for life...the air I breathe, my health, being able to see, walk and hear..yes healthy body and Mind!
―I am grateful (and Blessed!) to be a mother to beautiful Victoria...whose wise soul keeps me grounded.
―I am most grateful for my mom being with and around me...without you (taking care of Vic), getting my Degree would have been an impossibility.
―I'm ever grateful for my family...they are annoying all at times, and some of them I need to love from afar...generally they are good people though...I mean they did help nurture me.
―I am grateful that am mentally healthy…I think?
―I am grateful for my unlimited access to clean water.
―I am grateful for never having to go more than 24 hours without food in my life.
―I am grateful for advances in technology…the internet and being able to literally connect with the world/people...and write in this space!
―I am grateful that I know that happiness is a choice…yes we choose.
―I am grateful that I live in a democracy…even though the forces of power and greed are assaulting our beautiful twin isle.
―I am especially grateful that I have an 'open mind' and am willing to get out of my comfort zone...and chase my dreams.
―I'm grateful that there is so much beauty and joy to be had in living life…
Enjoy the beauty in your life today. Look around. Gratitude...It's everywhere.
    How about you? 

Tell me what you're grateful for in the comments section.

Love…Unexpectedly!

In creating balance (yes balance is definitely needed in everything), in my blog posts I thought it sublime to share something special with you all. Despite everything that I have been through this past year and the last few all the curve-balls thrown at me, I have discovered that I am a true hopeless romantic. No matter what, my heart is happiest when in love. I know, for the cynics I may seem somewhat naïve…almost like a teenager. But I really don't care about being crucify when it comes to affairs of the heart. Nope. Since, each of us gets our heart broken at some point in time; whether it is in a relationship or friendship. No one gets away unscathed. But what really sets us apart, I think is fortitude. When we get wounded, how many of us not only rise and dust ourselves off, but actually put oneself out there again and give another person a fair shot/chance?? Its insanity…at the highest level. So be true to thyself; we all have to be relatively insane to make this life livable bearable, right? The fact that I am writing in this space, reveals my sanity level.

In becoming older wiser, I realized what it is exactly I want in a relationship and know that I won't settle for just anything. Arrogant or bigoted? I say lessons learned. In order to give yourself and/or another a fair shot, knowing what one wants is paramount. Can you imagine, male pals that I was never interested in before...suddenly become more appealing? It's like I never really saw them until now. And I must let some of them know too, I have found that it's quite easy to weed through people who just want to 'bang' me...however, I only 'bang' who I fall in love with.. For love is so unique, so particular, so undefined and yet unexpected. It knows neither rules nor boundaries and is present whether you want it to or not. Yet, you need to love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.

Enjoy a poem that was written for me this past May; 
   but was released this month…

"Your beauty has no boundaries…. This is for you babe and I hope you like it….. They say a fruit doesn’t fall far from a tree; I say the tree is a picture of the greatness and inner beauty in its finest vision…. So don’t be amaze or disturbed when people look at you and stare, point fingers, judge you and hate you… Because how can they explain such beauty, grace, intelligence, People hate what they don’t understand; fear what they can’t conquer… So when you see them stand and stare give them a good look because they have not yet seen the best of you but they fear what is yet to come… They say beauty is in the eyes of the be-holder, how thrown away I am when I look at you unable to explain but yet taken I guess this is what feels like to walk on moon, to be caught by element of surprise, and that beauty doesn’t even belong to me…. Always keep your head up at all times for only you can determine who you are and what you can become (no one else) … my love i am captured by your beauty... i could write poems about your beauty and still there would be so much to say.... i hope you would allow me to get to know you so that i could experience your beauty." −BD

Thoughts??

Friend-Shifts…when ‘friends’ hurt you

John F Kennedy once commented, "Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." I like that finality. It's freeing. It releases you. Yes, we can forgive the person who have obviously hurt us, but never forget the wrong doing. That way you will know better and be able to steer clear from any chance for 'whatever' to happen again. Forgive, learn from it and move on. Human beings have a tendency to let one another down and the majority will always want to gain at another's expense.
This past year I've been hurt by a couple of people, whom I thought were sort kinda close to me…I think. But there's a fine line between a close friend and a true friend. I mean when you go to school with people, you definitely develop some friendships along the way. Right? You study together. Hang-out/lime together…with other friends. Call each other all the time. Look out for each other. Be a moral support. You guide them. Teach them things you thought they ought to know. You certainly won't tolerate other people ill-treating your friend and not stand up for them. Right? So you just be there for them…totally. Whatever it is, they feel comfortable enough to come to you with/for anything (is this a close or true friend?). But if you are friends with someone who give of themselves half-heartedly (50%) what you do with a pure heart (110%), then this is not a friendship. Obviously, they never saw you on the same level of friendship you saw them. It is so awful when people who are supposed to be your friend hurt you. Maybe they hurt me more out of thoughtlessness than of meanness. I don't know for sure. But a true friend would never (consciously) throw their good friend under the bus to save themselves or to look good. Not at all. A true friend knows when both are working towards the same goal and reaches within thyself and (secretly) understand that without this friend, that goal was an impossibility elusive…would not have materialized so soon. So 'fending' for yourself is not an option.

Unfortunately this happens to everyone at some point in their life though. Yes, this is a very common situation. A lot of people can relate to this from either a friendship or a relationship. It's like there is an increasing trend of such stereotypical behaviors that are being promoted…offline and online. Don't you just hate dislike when people say that they are your friend, but their actions tell you something entirely different? A true friend is always there whenever you need them the most…during rough times. When you are fracture…broken. A true friend always makes an effort to call you. A true friend always tends to see if you are okay. A true friend always shows that he or she cares about you. Perhaps, my outlook is a bit naive. Maybe I expect too much out of my friends, but I truly believe that if someone says they love and care for you, they must act like it. Not just say it. I am a firm advocate of loyalty when it comes to love, friendships, family and business. And I make a mental note to disassociate myself with those who display disloyal tendencies. I recognized too that I may be doing myself a disservice by keeping my true feelings to myself whenever a friend wrongs me, but I believe in taking the 'high road.' Yes, because Karma is serious and everyone gets what they deserve…eventually. As the Trini saying goes, "What doh miss yuh, doh pass yuh." And I understand that sometimes friendships are uncertain. When we are young everyone seems to be our friend, very much like on Facebook−many of whom we know are not friends; they are merely acquaintances that come and go. But true friends are people who we choose to become part of our family…and who chooses us in return.

I believe that you never really know people in life, even when you think you do. Friends come and go and it is a two way street. All we can really do is reach out and be our best selves and put ourselves out there. We all have a duty (to ourselves) to try at least once. If someone drifts away, it is sad, but cherish them for what you may remember. Oftentimes, we are just not meant to be friends with some people. We need to understand too, that people grow apart. Some people just bounce off each other and/or reject each other. While you may never be able to change someone, you can still be a friend from afar. Maybe. One of the Army's core values is treating others how you want to be treated. If one can't do that on either side of a friendship then you don't really have a friendship. Perhaps, some people need to first learn how to love themselves. In so doing, only then are they capable of appreciating what you do for them or understand the basis of a friendship. For even in my darkest moments when I didn't fully love myself enough, I never drag any of my friends into that vortex…into oblivion. Yes, I had to almost hit rock bottom before I finally looked inside myself. And let me tell you, learning to love myself was the best thing I have ever done in this life; trust me...to let that sun rise and see the light is heavenly…especially when surrounded by true friends.
I know I have high expectations of people and friendships, but I hold myself to the same standards. And I have learned that it's the quality of people and not quantity. Also, I have finally come to learn the difference between my true friends and just my 'acquaintances.' And I think, once you can understand and get a real feel on your circle of friends, it'll probably grow smaller.

One last thought. Have you ever wondered why is it that the one you are nice to normally won't be nice to you, but the one you are not so nice to, will actually be the one nicer to you? I've noticed too that the better you treat a person, the worse they'll treat you. Whatever the circumstances though, if your 'friend(s)' decide to betray you, just erase them completely from your life. It seems cruel, but why would anyone want to subject themselves to an indifferent friendship? Walk away. They are definitely not worthy of your quality time and friendship. Because a true friend would never resort to standing on your shoulders…killing you to save themselves. Brutally honest is sometimes the only way to go.

What are your thoughts??

Intuition…gut feelings?

I am compelled to write something additional on intuition. Since the stirrings from my 1st blog entry. Lately I find myself wondering why I sometimes tend to second-guess myself a lot on some things. Whenever this happens, I usually end up regretting it, because my gut feelings are always spot on. So what is intuition? 

I believe it is a hunch―a gut feeling inside…when you sense whether something feels right or wrong. I don't think that it is logic, fact or even opinion. It just sits around, somewhere underneath and beyond all that. Intuition is our inner voice−our own personal voice of reason−gently guiding us along. And somehow I don't think it will lead us off course; no matter what our conscious mind tells us. 

Oft-times though, most of us do not heed our intuitions…that gut feeling. I think we ignore it because we don't want it (the nagging sensation) to be true, but ladies it's a gift we must develop…and use. For intuition promotes good communication too. It will make you more sensitive to the people around you. So learn to trust your intuition (trusting the feelings). It is an extension of a woman's sixth sense (simply responds to something and gives you a feeling), and if we truly take time out to get in touch with our spirit we can develop this gift further and it will help us along the journey. Try it for yourself. Just let go. Take time out to first find your spirit (meditate)−go some place (any room in the house) where you can totally quiet empty your mind…and listen. Find peace in yourself. It is amazing! All those uncertainties will get an answer.

And gentlemen, this intuition or even finding your spirit is not exclusive to women. Oh no. With every breath, choices dominate all of our lives. How many of us really make everyday decisions by gut feelings or by reason? Obviously, our mind operates on a dual track. We have an intuitive mind and a rational mind. And there is an inner voice that accompanies every human being. We all have a simple intuition for what is good and bad for us. It speaks to the heart of our understanding of the human mind. Similarly, just as animals have bionic senses to guide them in the animal kingdom.

Intuition…many of us have had them, some of us heed them but most of us ignore them. So why do we have those hunches that seem to tell us that even the best of things aren't always what they seem? Do these feelings always turn out to be right? Sometimes we are alerted and suspect things are going wrong, but have no proof. Like when I knew deep down that a particular relationship wasn't going to work out. I just couldn't justify how or why just then. Why does the phantom's whispering in our ear, always takes us by surprise and we are left wondering…?

Have you ever wondered why we make snap judgments? Why do we form instantaneous, unreasonable positive/negative impressions of people and certain circumstances? How do we explain the lightning (only strikes once) so-called
'first impression', which often proves (in the long/short run) to be right?

Send me your thoughts.. How do you feel about all this??

Trinidad & Tobago…a developed nation?

Courtesy Call
Arthur Snell &
Winston Dookeran

I promised myself, that I won't write about things that will overwhelm any one. You know the heavy stuff. No, there are lots of blogs dedicated to people moaning and groaning about everything beneath the sun. But this one has been nagging me, because feedback from the average person left me scratching my head. Wanna know why? Keep reading..

It's day 3 and counting since the curfew has been lifted and I am still baffled, not by this tiny bout of 'freedom' that Trinidadians are celebrating over (oblivious to the true meaning of a State of Emergency-SoE), but with what I read on October 31, 2011 in the Newsday. Just to recap for those of you who may still be unaware of a feat many large nations are still trying to accomplished! The British High Commissioner for Trinidad and Tobago, Mr. Arthur Snell (yes, Oxford-educated and all) also published on the Foreign and Commonwealth Office blog, that this country's dream of working towards and becoming a "developed country" came to fruition in the month of October. This realization and Mr. Snell reason for making such an assumption statement was because, T&T was removed from the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) DAC list of developing countries; in that said month. Snell further stated that, "The premier international organization that makes a judgement on such matters considers T&T to be a developed country than Argentina, Chile and Costa Rica, countries that remain on the list."

I think this non-appearance on the OECD's DAC list seem to get a bit confusing for some people here; whose interpretation and mentality is, "we reach…we have arrived…we is a First World Nation." But let's not get beside ourselves people. In actuality and from my understanding, T&T has not been declared a developed country per se…despite all those fancy high-rise buildings in the nation's capital (had to mention that) and no, I am not trying to be a cynic or pessimistic in the slightest manner. Far from it, for I recognized that the country have made notable strides by increasing literacy rates and improving education (GATE), improving health care and reducing infant mortality rates. We have been steadily climbing with those positive indicators and more. And while we are a small nation, we must not forget that we were also able to use our resources to achieve great things too. But the theory of 'developed' speaks directly to a Eurocentric idea of what it means to be really advanced. Seriously people, think about it. How can a nation be 'undeveloped' one day and then a report makes it 'developed' the next day? Even the most narrow-minded person should be wagging their tongues with questions. But the truth is, our society usually takes things at face-value and run with it. Somehow, we never seem to stop and question any thing. The fact that some people actually think "we have arrive" says a lot..."third world thinking."  

Perhaps, to add to this misinterpretation is the United Nations (UN) Human Development Index (HDI) report for 2011, which puts Trinidad and Tobago at 62 out of 187 nations in ranking. What this means, is that we are part of the top third of countries in terms of HDI. This HDI, together with our macroeconomics stats, seems to indicate that while we may be far from the poverty of sub-Saharan Africa, we are indeed also, no where close to the peaceful and flourishing Norway…which ranked first in the HDI report. 

That said, it now sorta kinda feels like a welcome respite, that perhaps we are no longer a "third world." Somehow that always seemed a debasing description whenever I travel. As if they (First World) were mocking us. Have you experienced that typecasting of T&T being a poor and primitive country…on your travels? Yes, where we are still climbing trees and all? The nerve of some Americans 1st world people…yet we look to them for everything as if they were our God!?! But that is for another post.

Port-of-Spain
Skyline (2010)

So readers, send me your thoughts on this new development. But keep in mind though, that the above info is just statistics! As the wise saying goes, "take it with a grain of salt". Because the fact of the matter is that these reports are just stats and do not speak of the reality happening on the ground (as I type this), and do not diminish the fact that we still have much...so much more work to do to truly make our society equal and fair.

The 80’s…Music’s Best Decade!

80s Vibe

During the last decade, most of you will remember when both digital (computer-related) and non-digital documentation and data storage situations (which resulted from the practice of abbreviating a four-digit year to two digits) ceased to crash at the stroke of midnight on December 31st, 1999, because of The Year 2000 problem (also known as the Y2K problem, the Millennium bug, the Y2K bug, or simply Y2K). The world nonetheless ushered in a new millennium. Yes, around the world and in different time zones, people were dancing to the beat of Cher’s Believe (Xenomania Mix) which was sitting atop Billboard’s Hot 100 Chart. Yes, a song filled with all the 80s elements; for music was transformed by digital technology in the 1980s, in ways that are still reverberating today. Do you remember the compact disc (CD) promised 'perfect sound forever', and led to later formats such as DVD and Blu-Ray?                                                                                                            
Yet, even today with all the 21st century sounds and gadgets the world is seemingly still craving for a decade of excess (in Pop Culture) that went twenty years earlier. Fashion Designers brought back the 80’s to life in their beautifully bright and bold colors on the runways; with shoulder pads, big hair and more accessories. So too were the music producers, bringing back synthesizer/synths music technology to new music. Singers were even sampling music from the 80's with new mixes. 

Do you remember: 

I. Kanye West's Good Life that he sampled from Michael Jackson's PYT (Pretty Young Thing).

II. Flo Rida's Right Round which was his take from Dead or Alive's You Spin Me Round 

III. Diddy's I'll Be Missing You which was a sample from The Police's Every Breath You Take 

Wens albums…My Guilty Pleasure!!
So because I love everything 80’s, I thought it might be fun to list perhaps 10-15 albums (my favourites), that I used to listen to (on Vinyl) while growing up. So here are the rules: Don't take too long to analyze it. Think of 10-15 albums that are your faves and will always stick with you. List them quickly, in no more than 10-15 minutes in the comments box. Now send the post to the same amount of friends, whether 10/15 because I'm interested in seeing their selections. Try not to go over/under the numbers. Have FUN.. For better or worse, without judgment or explanation, the first ones that come to mind:

Madonna
80s Pop Queen

1. Prince & The Revolution–Purple Rain
2. U2–The Joshua Tree
3. The Cure–Disintegration
4. Pink Floyd–The Wall
5. Duran Duran–Rio
6. Depeche Mode–Music for the Masses
7. Pet Shop Boys–Please
8. Nirvana–Unplugged
9. David Bowie–Best of Bowie
10. Madonna–Madonna
11. Michael Jackson–Thriller
12. Def Leppard–Hysteria
13. Anita Baker–Rapture
14. R.E.M.–Murmur

15. Guns 'N' Roses–Appetite for Destruction

Note: Because my audience is wide and varied, your selections are not limited to music of the 80s.