Friend-Shifts…when ‘friends’ hurt you

John F Kennedy once commented, "Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." I like that finality. It's freeing. It releases you. Yes, we can forgive the person who have obviously hurt us, but never forget the wrong doing. That way you will know better and be able to steer clear from any chance for 'whatever' to happen again. Forgive, learn from it and move on. Human beings have a tendency to let one another down and the majority will always want to gain at another's expense.
This past year I've been hurt by a couple of people, whom I thought were sort kinda close to me…I think. But there's a fine line between a close friend and a true friend. I mean when you go to school with people, you definitely develop some friendships along the way. Right? You study together. Hang-out/lime together…with other friends. Call each other all the time. Look out for each other. Be a moral support. You guide them. Teach them things you thought they ought to know. You certainly won't tolerate other people ill-treating your friend and not stand up for them. Right? So you just be there for them…totally. Whatever it is, they feel comfortable enough to come to you with/for anything (is this a close or true friend?). But if you are friends with someone who give of themselves half-heartedly (50%) what you do with a pure heart (110%), then this is not a friendship. Obviously, they never saw you on the same level of friendship you saw them. It is so awful when people who are supposed to be your friend hurt you. Maybe they hurt me more out of thoughtlessness than of meanness. I don't know for sure. But a true friend would never (consciously) throw their good friend under the bus to save themselves or to look good. Not at all. A true friend knows when both are working towards the same goal and reaches within thyself and (secretly) understand that without this friend, that goal was an impossibility elusive…would not have materialized so soon. So 'fending' for yourself is not an option.

Unfortunately this happens to everyone at some point in their life though. Yes, this is a very common situation. A lot of people can relate to this from either a friendship or a relationship. It's like there is an increasing trend of such stereotypical behaviors that are being promoted…offline and online. Don't you just hate dislike when people say that they are your friend, but their actions tell you something entirely different? A true friend is always there whenever you need them the most…during rough times. When you are fracture…broken. A true friend always makes an effort to call you. A true friend always tends to see if you are okay. A true friend always shows that he or she cares about you. Perhaps, my outlook is a bit naive. Maybe I expect too much out of my friends, but I truly believe that if someone says they love and care for you, they must act like it. Not just say it. I am a firm advocate of loyalty when it comes to love, friendships, family and business. And I make a mental note to disassociate myself with those who display disloyal tendencies. I recognized too that I may be doing myself a disservice by keeping my true feelings to myself whenever a friend wrongs me, but I believe in taking the 'high road.' Yes, because Karma is serious and everyone gets what they deserve…eventually. As the Trini saying goes, "What doh miss yuh, doh pass yuh." And I understand that sometimes friendships are uncertain. When we are young everyone seems to be our friend, very much like on Facebook−many of whom we know are not friends; they are merely acquaintances that come and go. But true friends are people who we choose to become part of our family…and who chooses us in return.

I believe that you never really know people in life, even when you think you do. Friends come and go and it is a two way street. All we can really do is reach out and be our best selves and put ourselves out there. We all have a duty (to ourselves) to try at least once. If someone drifts away, it is sad, but cherish them for what you may remember. Oftentimes, we are just not meant to be friends with some people. We need to understand too, that people grow apart. Some people just bounce off each other and/or reject each other. While you may never be able to change someone, you can still be a friend from afar. Maybe. One of the Army's core values is treating others how you want to be treated. If one can't do that on either side of a friendship then you don't really have a friendship. Perhaps, some people need to first learn how to love themselves. In so doing, only then are they capable of appreciating what you do for them or understand the basis of a friendship. For even in my darkest moments when I didn't fully love myself enough, I never drag any of my friends into that vortex…into oblivion. Yes, I had to almost hit rock bottom before I finally looked inside myself. And let me tell you, learning to love myself was the best thing I have ever done in this life; trust me...to let that sun rise and see the light is heavenly…especially when surrounded by true friends.
I know I have high expectations of people and friendships, but I hold myself to the same standards. And I have learned that it's the quality of people and not quantity. Also, I have finally come to learn the difference between my true friends and just my 'acquaintances.' And I think, once you can understand and get a real feel on your circle of friends, it'll probably grow smaller.

One last thought. Have you ever wondered why is it that the one you are nice to normally won't be nice to you, but the one you are not so nice to, will actually be the one nicer to you? I've noticed too that the better you treat a person, the worse they'll treat you. Whatever the circumstances though, if your 'friend(s)' decide to betray you, just erase them completely from your life. It seems cruel, but why would anyone want to subject themselves to an indifferent friendship? Walk away. They are definitely not worthy of your quality time and friendship. Because a true friend would never resort to standing on your shoulders…killing you to save themselves. Brutally honest is sometimes the only way to go.

What are your thoughts??